We’ve all seen it. A product launches, a feature ships, a choice gets made. And within hours, the not-so-hot, more grumpy takes arrive. Threads dissecting every misstep. Social media posts stating how they’d have done x or y better. Statements across the web cataloguing failures. Commentary that positions the critic as the one who would have done it better. This happens even more on Open Source projects, we’ve all seen it across WordPress.
This is an increasingly prevalent issue in product circles. Yet, we seldom highlight the human impact of this culture and the more effective alternatives that can truly foster better products and stronger teams. Even more so in open source. It’s also worth noting that those who can drive change, those called and looked to as product leaders, are often the ones who contribute most to the problem. By inspiring others and adopting more positive practices, we can foster a more collaborative and thriving environment for everyone involved.
The Changing Position of the Role of Product
My experience in product is a journey many of us share as we grew alongside the practice. We often had to fight for our place at the table, sometimes moving gently and other times more forcefully to ensure our voices were heard.
Times have changed, and now the product is at the centre of much of our work. It no longer needs to prove its worth or challenge existing components; instead, it should avoid adopting harmful practices seen in longer traditions, such as design, which have led to dangerous and destructive patterns of critique. It’s possible to disagree without resorting to tearing others down or stripping away their contributions. In fact, taking a more constructive approach is a sign of greater skill, as many of us have come to learn.
Throughout my career, I have learned a great deal through trial and error, thanks to the incredible mentors who guided me and the space they provided for me to understand. Their compassion and calmness shaped my understanding of leadership; it’s not just about being in the spotlight, which was a breath of fresh air for someone like me who thrives behind the scenes.
The Psychology of What We’re Really Doing
When we share our thoughts on products and the teams behind them, we’re doing more than just providing feedback; we’re meant to encourage accountability and nurture growth. The impact of our words can ripple far beyond the initial conversation, creating a meaningful dialogue.
Studies in self-determination theory reveal that environments filled with criticism, rather than constructive support, can lead to loss of motivation. This is especially true over time. In open-source and collaborative spaces, the consequences are even more significant. Unhelpful criticism can generate conflicts and discourage participation, particularly for those from underrepresented backgrounds. Our language truly matters, and it becomes even more powerful when coming from influential voices.
“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.”
The evidence suggests that public criticism, especially when not accompanied by constructive input, doesn’t enhance products. Instead, it risks stifling the very voices we should be championing to drive improvement and innovation. Let’s strive to uplift one another and create positive pathways for making. I know I want to create in a space like that, and I’m reasonably sure those who often critique the loudest do.
What Leadership Actually Looks Like
This isn’t about being soft or avoiding critical conversations, far from it. But if harsh criticism is all you’re known for, people eventually stop listening. By taking this approach, you are showing an understanding that great products emerge from empowered teams, not demoralised ones.
“To me, leadership is about encouraging people. It’s about stimulating them. It’s about enabling them to achieve what they can achieve — and to do that with a purpose.”
The difference between critique and leadership is simple. Leaders focus on building capability, not broadcasting judgment. They build up whilst also setting on a path for that building. It’s certainly a harder thing to do, but in the long term, far more rewarding for both the leader and those involved. Being the critic, even if you have been elevated to a lead, eventually casts you as the villain of the piece, and that’s not good for anyone’s heart. Most leads got there through being incredible makers in the first place; somewhere along the way, they shifted from making to criticising, from building to broadcasting judgment.
The Alternative: Being Part of the Solution
“I raise my own voice—not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.”
If you see a product or team struggling, you have choices beyond posting about it.
- Mentor someone on the team. Reach out privately. Offer your experience. It is often more impactful to say it privately. Share what you’ve learned from similar challenges.
- Contribute directly. If it’s open source, submit a thoughtful pull request. If it’s not, offer specific, actionable feedback through proper channels. Build the bridge instead of pointing out it’s incomplete.
- Support publicly, guide privately. Public spaces should be for celebrating attempts, acknowledging effort, and showing solidarity. Save detailed feedback for contexts where it can actually be heard and acted upon.
- Balance your critiques with equal praise. When was the last time you praised a feature? Do that as much as you also critique and balance.
- Build knowledge, not status. Research shows that when team members feel their psychological needs met, such as autonomy, competence, and relatedness, they’re far more likely to develop intrinsic motivation and engage meaningfully with their work. Your role as a leader isn’t to prove you could have done better. It’s to help others actually do better.
The Myth of “Necessary Toughness”
There’s a belief in some communities that toxicity is “a naturally occurring if not necessary facet of culture.” This is demonstrably false. Toxic behaviour causes contributors to leave projects and creates barriers to participation, particularly for newcomers and those from underrepresented communities. It causes burnout not just in those receiving but also in those giving. It eats at you.
Gentle leadership isn’t weak leadership. It’s strategic leadership. It’s essential to understand that the long-term health of products and communities depends on creating environments where people want to contribute their best work, not environments where they’re afraid to take risks and fail.
Evaluating Your Leadership
“You can evaluate the quality of your authority by looking deeply to see if compassion is the foundation of your leadership.”
This isn’t just an abstract philosophy. You can apply a practical lens for examining how we show up as leaders. The next time you’re tempted to post about what’s wrong with someone else’s or your own product, ask yourself:
- Will this help the team, the product improve, or position me as knowledgeable?
- Who does this harm and who does this serve?
- Could I offer this insight in a way that builds rather than breaks?
- Am I solving a problem or performing expertise?
The products that endure, the teams that innovate, they don’t come from cultures of constant public criticism. They come from environments where people feel safe to experiment, supported when they stumble, and mentored toward excellence.
Your influence as a product leader isn’t measured by how effectively you can identify flaws; it’s also about how effectively you can address them. It’s measured by how many people do better work because you were there.
Building Better, Together
Every product you see represents countless hours of human effort, difficult trade-offs, and people doing their best with the information and resources available to them. Before you critique, consider how you might contribute. Before pointing out failures, consider how you can prevent them in the future by teaching, mentoring, and supporting.
“At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than I criticised.”
The industry doesn’t need more critics. It needs more builders. It requires leaders who understand that gentle doesn’t mean permissive, and that the strongest teams are built on foundations of trust, growth, and mutual support.
If I can leave one thought at the end of this, it would be to consider: “What impact will your leadership have?” Great products are built by great teams. Great teams are built by leaders who lift others. Choose to be that leader.
We’ve all seen it. A product launches, a feature ships, a choice gets made. And within hours, the not-so-hot, more grumpy takes arrive. Threads dissecting every misstep. Social media posts stating how they’d have done x or y better. Statements across the web cataloguing failures. Commentary that positions the critic as the one who would have done it better. This happens even more on Open Source projects, we’ve all seen it across WordPress.
This is an increasingly prevalent issue in product circles. Yet, we seldom highlight the human impact of this culture and the more effective alternatives that can truly foster better products and stronger teams. Even more so in open source. It’s also worth noting that those who can drive change, those called and looked to as product leaders, are often the ones who contribute most to the problem. By inspiring others and adopting more positive practices, we can foster a more collaborative and thriving environment for everyone involved.
The Changing Position of the Role of Product
My experience in product is a journey many of us share as we grew alongside the practice. We often had to fight for our place at the table, sometimes moving gently and other times more forcefully to ensure our voices were heard.
Times have changed, and now the product is at the centre of much of our work. It no longer needs to prove its worth or challenge existing components; instead, it should avoid adopting harmful practices seen in longer traditions, such as design, which have led to dangerous and destructive patterns of critique. It’s possible to disagree without resorting to tearing others down or stripping away their contributions. In fact, taking a more constructive approach is a sign of greater skill, as many of us have come to learn.
Throughout my career, I have learned a great deal through trial and error, thanks to the incredible mentors who guided me and the space they provided for me to understand. Their compassion and calmness shaped my understanding of leadership; it’s not just about being in the spotlight, which was a breath of fresh air for someone like me who thrives behind the scenes.
The Psychology of What We’re Really Doing
When we share our thoughts on products and the teams behind them, we’re doing more than just providing feedback; we’re meant to encourage accountability and nurture growth. The impact of our words can ripple far beyond the initial conversation, creating a meaningful dialogue.
Studies in self-determination theory reveal that environments filled with criticism, rather than constructive support, can lead to loss of motivation. This is especially true over time. In open-source and collaborative spaces, the consequences are even more significant. Unhelpful criticism can generate conflicts and discourage participation, particularly for those from underrepresented backgrounds. Our language truly matters, and it becomes even more powerful when coming from influential voices.
“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.”
Sheryl Sandberg
The evidence suggests that public criticism, especially when not accompanied by constructive input, doesn’t enhance products. Instead, it risks stifling the very voices we should be championing to drive improvement and innovation. Let’s strive to uplift one another and create positive pathways for making. I know I want to create in a space like that, and I’m reasonably sure those who often critique the loudest do.
What Leadership Actually Looks Like
This isn’t about being soft or avoiding critical conversations, far from it. But if harsh criticism is all you’re known for, people eventually stop listening. By taking this approach, you are showing an understanding that great products emerge from empowered teams, not demoralised ones.
“To me, leadership is about encouraging people. It’s about stimulating them. It’s about enabling them to achieve what they can achieve — and to do that with a purpose.”
Christine Lagarde
The difference between critique and leadership is simple. Leaders focus on building capability, not broadcasting judgment. They build up whilst also setting on a path for that building. It’s certainly a harder thing to do, but in the long term, far more rewarding for both the leader and those involved. Being the critic, even if you have been elevated to a lead, eventually casts you as the villain of the piece, and that’s not good for anyone’s heart. Most leads got there through being incredible makers in the first place; somewhere along the way, they shifted from making to criticising, from building to broadcasting judgment.
The Alternative: Being Part of the Solution
“I raise my own voice—not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.”
Malala Yousafzai
If you see a product or team struggling, you have choices beyond posting about it.
Mentor someone on the team. Reach out privately. Offer your experience. It is often more impactful to say it privately. Share what you’ve learned from similar challenges.
Contribute directly. If it’s open source, submit a thoughtful pull request. If it’s not, offer specific, actionable feedback through proper channels. Build the bridge instead of pointing out it’s incomplete.
Support publicly, guide privately. Public spaces should be for celebrating attempts, acknowledging effort, and showing solidarity. Save detailed feedback for contexts where it can actually be heard and acted upon.
Balance your critiques with equal praise. When was the last time you praised a feature? Do that as much as you also critique and balance.
Build knowledge, not status. Research shows that when team members feel their psychological needs met, such as autonomy, competence, and relatedness, they’re far more likely to develop intrinsic motivation and engage meaningfully with their work. Your role as a leader isn’t to prove you could have done better. It’s to help others actually do better.
The Myth of “Necessary Toughness”
There’s a belief in some communities that toxicity is “a naturally occurring if not necessary facet of culture.” This is demonstrably false. Toxic behaviour causes contributors to leave projects and creates barriers to participation, particularly for newcomers and those from underrepresented communities. It causes burnout not just in those receiving but also in those giving. It eats at you.
Gentle leadership isn’t weak leadership. It’s strategic leadership. It’s essential to understand that the long-term health of products and communities depends on creating environments where people want to contribute their best work, not environments where they’re afraid to take risks and fail.
Evaluating Your Leadership
“You can evaluate the quality of your authority by looking deeply to see if compassion is the foundation of your leadership.”
Zen Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh
This isn’t just an abstract philosophy. You can apply a practical lens for examining how we show up as leaders. The next time you’re tempted to post about what’s wrong with someone else’s or your own product, ask yourself:
Will this help the team, the product improve, or position me as knowledgeable?
Who does this harm and who does this serve?
Could I offer this insight in a way that builds rather than breaks?
Am I solving a problem or performing expertise?
The products that endure, the teams that innovate, they don’t come from cultures of constant public criticism. They come from environments where people feel safe to experiment, supported when they stumble, and mentored toward excellence.
Your influence as a product leader isn’t measured by how effectively you can identify flaws; it’s also about how effectively you can address them. It’s measured by how many people do better work because you were there.
Building Better, Together
Every product you see represents countless hours of human effort, difficult trade-offs, and people doing their best with the information and resources available to them. Before you critique, consider how you might contribute. Before pointing out failures, consider how you can prevent them in the future by teaching, mentoring, and supporting.
“At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than I criticised.”
Brené Brown
The industry doesn’t need more critics. It needs more builders. It requires leaders who understand that gentle doesn’t mean permissive, and that the strongest teams are built on foundations of trust, growth, and mutual support.
If I can leave one thought at the end of this, it would be to consider: “What impact will your leadership have?” Great products are built by great teams. Great teams are built by leaders who lift others. Choose to be that leader.